Most women can’t wait to get a shiny diamond engagement ring on the third finger of their left hand. But men, as we all know, are often hesitant to take the plunge. And so we are usually obliged to wait until such time as they realize they can’t live without us. Unfortunately, this can sometimes take years to accomplish, and with a mother nagging, a biological clock ticking, and a desire for resolution hammering in our heads, we may get tired of waiting around for our boys to become men and pop the question already! Some women take matters into their own hands by posing an ultimatum (marry me or I’m leaving!) or by taking one knee and proposing to him. But for those of you unwilling to risk losing your man by being too pushy or unable to break with tradition by asking for his hand, you’re just going to have to drop hints and wait it out. But how long should you wait?
Let’s put it this way: if you’re looking for a ring, common law marriage is the cutoff. If he hasn’t proposed by the time you are legally viewed as husband and wife (as in, the IRS allows you to file joint taxes), then you need to get out. He’s never going to marry you! And why would he? As many a mother has quipped, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? This is a pretty absolute deadline to set and it’s pretty fair considering common law marriage generally occurs only after you’ve been sharing a residence for several years (many people assume this time period to be seven years, but it varies by state). However, your personal cutoff may come a lot sooner.
In most cases, you will know within 2-5 years if the person you are dating is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, possibly even faster if you live together. By this time, you have gotten pretty comfortable with each other, shared most of your secrets, and probably started cohabitating. Once you’re living together, it’s just like being married anyway. So if you find that you’re getting antsy but he’s nowhere near ready to commit, then you have a choice to make. Love him or leave him. In other words, accept his unwillingness to propose and either put up with it or get on with your life elsewhere. If he’s smart, he’ll come to his senses and come after you. If not, maybe you’ll find that Mr. Right was just around the corner all along.
