Popping the big questions may be one of the most high-anxiety tasks you will ever undertake. Just the thought of dropping to one knee with a ring box and seeing the look on her face as you utter those four magical words (will it be horror or happiness?) is enough to get your stomach churning, your palms sweating, and your heartbeat racing. If rejection is in the cards, you’d rather avoid the humiliation of getting spurned in a roomful of people who have a vested interest in the outcome, but your families are such an integral part of your life (and your future together) that you would love for them to be present if it turns out to be the happiest moment of your life. So when you plan for a Christmas engagement, how do you decide whether or not to include the family?
There is no simple answer. It’s going to depend largely on the personalities of those involved, as well as the family dynamic. However, there are a few guidelines you can consider to help you weigh the options. First of all, does everyone get along? If your parents don’t approve of her (or hers aren’t your biggest supporters) then you certainly want to avoid any negativity that could throw a wrench in the works. Ditto if she’s not big of being the center of attention. You need to remember that this occasion is ultimately about you and the woman you love. That should be your main focus.
Of course, if the families all approve and you think she’ll be okay with the PDA, there’s no reason you can’t add a little extra holiday cheer to the mix and heighten the bonding experience of linking your life to hers by including your current relatives and soon-to-be in-laws in this special event. This way you can avoid the issue of an announcement and there is already a feast on hand to celebrate your pending nuptials (just make sure you plan ahead and arrange for some bubbly).
In short, there are pros and cons to each position. An ill-timed proposal could backfire and ruin your holidays (and everyone else’s) if you get rejected in front of the whole family. But if you’re positive the answer is going to be yes, this could one day be a touching and humorous story to tell your children and grand-children.
